WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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