I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize