So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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