Well douche your snatch and let's go!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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