At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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