Dual....:-)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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