just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize