Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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