Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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