this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize