Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I touched a dick in church today
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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