my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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