I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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