I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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