its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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