You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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