Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize