i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize