Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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