I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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