I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize