just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize