i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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