im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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