My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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