Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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