it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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