I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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