do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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