Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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