Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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