You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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