so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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