tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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