I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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