life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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