She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize