...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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