We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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