Swine flu. Run for my life!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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