I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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