Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize