Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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