last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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