I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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