He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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