Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
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it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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