covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
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i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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