First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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