Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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